"Nobody touch my nipple!"  - Kluk

"Some people tear all the way up to their anus. That's a 60% chance of being fecally incontinent for life."
 - Charlotte

"There's only two girls I know of in Compsoc. Diamond_Dove, and that Kim girl on IRC."
 - Bogomip

"We are commited to making a greater commitment."
 - VandeLinde

"Did you know, if you take a bath in mercury, you don't get wet. Then you die."
 - Tim

"Tim, You should sleep with LucidIon in DCS. Sadiq slept with LucidIon."
 - Faux

"Murphybob walked in stark naked. It was actually quite hot."
 - Kerian

"Ow! It burns!"
 - sadiq, after deliberately putting his hand in a flame

"There is a big difference between Goatse and VandeLinde. I'd much prefer Goatse."
 - covbob

"Pi is equal to three. By the end of this we will be out by a factor of ten and we will enjoy it! Next I shall tell you that three by three equals ten."
 - Astronomy lecturer

"'Spoil Harry Potter and get banned.' - Didn't J.K.Rowling spoil it when she first put pen to paper?"
 - murphybob

"It might as well be an exam on Egyptian sanitation systems."
 - Gareth

"What on earth is that enormous U in his pants?"
 - Zat

"Now, where did I put my trousers?"
 - bucko

"As the Lib Dems like to joke, you can either have Conservative slash and burn, or Labour trim and singe. ;)"
 - Draconas